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tiredLittle child, be not afraid. Though rain pounds harshly against the glass like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger. I am here tonight. Little child, be not afraid. Though thunder explodes and lightning flash illuminates your tear-stained face. I am here tonight.
I went to my aunt Joanne and uncle Craig's house last weekend. It was so much fun, I love it there. I wish I could be there all the time. My aunt Joanne is the coolest person ever, I love her to death! And my uncle Craiger is awesome! And he loves me and so does my aunt and my cousin =] I talked a lot with my aunt and she doesn't like how my mom is treating me and how she is basically taking advantage of me. My aunt wants me to go move with them when they get moved and settled in which could be in January or it could be later than that. Point is... I really think I want to do that. I heard her mention it to my uncle but they didn't talk much. I know he wouldn't have a problem with it though.
And someday you'll know that nature is so the same rain that draws you near me falls on rivers and land on forests and sand makes the beautiful world that you'll see in the morning. Little child, be not afraid. Though storm clouds mask your beloved moon and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams, I am here tonight.
The only thing I didn't like about being over my cousins is Kita being there which is kinda mean cause Kitas cool but like... Meh. Not at the same time. I feel like shes jealous that Brian and I are close and its like she tries to shove things in my face. Like, I've noticed this too but every time I go over there, they get into a fight about something. And this time I was over there, Brian was asleep and Kita came into the living room and was talking to me and she was like "you know, every time you're over here Brian and I get into a fight. It's like the only time we fight!" And she didn't say it in a mean way or anything but it was still like... yeah. lol And she all of a sudden started wearing the engagement ring he got for her. She's so stupid lol. I kinda hope Brian doesn't marry her... as mean as that sounds but... it's just like. I know that weather I'm there or not, they fight. Brian tells me about it. They have broken up SOOO many times. They need to just chill.
Little child, be not afraid. Though wind makes creatures of our trees and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand. And I am here tonight. For you know, once even I was a little child, and I was afraid but a gentle someone always came to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears and to give a kiss goodnight
I really just like... Ugh. IDK! And Julie is making all these plans with me for next year cause shes gunna graduate a year early and just take English 12 in summer school. She wants to move out to Hagerstown and go to college with me and all this stuff. But like... idk. If I move with my aunt, that obviously won't work out. And the main thing I care about is Stephan being able to come to me. I wanna be somewhere where he and I can be together and I know my aunt Joanne let Steven and Chass live there but I think that's only cause Chass was pregnant and they had no where else to go. They paid rent and all though which is okay. IDK. I just want to have my OWN house and have Stephan be there with me. How wonderful. But maybe if Julie and I got our own place, I know she'd always want Chase over so what would be the problem if Stephan lived there and we both contributed to the house and etc. Maybe I'm thinking this through to far.
well now I am grown and these years have shown that rain's a part of how life goes. But it's dark and it's late so I'll hold you and wait 'til your frightened eyes do close.
And I hope that you'll know...
Blah. And like 20 mins after I left last time, my cousin texted me cause he had just gotton home from work and he was sad that I left and I was sad too cause I wanted to stay there forever. He asked me yesterday when I was comin back over. I wanna go back over next weekend but I hardcore gotta get a job and I don't have the gas to drive out there and I doubt Grandpa will give it to me... and IDK. I think that might be the weekend Chase goes home... seeing as how he's only got till the 4th to be here =[ He'll be back in another 3 weeks though if everything goes as planned. I really wanna move to my aunts house lol. I feel like it'll be good for me to not know anyone out there. Well... that's a lie... I know Bernie, Mikey and Devon kinda. But not well enough to actually want to hangout with them. I'd probably just end up being the girl my cousin drags along to parties and stuff. And that's fine but I just... Meh. I wanna be a hermit! lol I'm so sick of having a life honestly. Well... don't get me wrong, I LOVE my friends and I LOVE going to parties with them and I LOVE doing crazy obnoxious things with them but... I just... don't even have the motivation to do all that anymore. I just wanna chiiiill.
Everything's fine in the morning. The rain'll be gone in the morning but I'll still be here in the morning
Paul and I still arnt friends. I talked to him and he acted all friendly but then when I asked if we could be friends, he was basically like No. SO that's how that works. Uhm. He texted me last night I think it was and said that hes sorry for making me look like the bad guy when he told our friends what had happened and that basically I can have our friends. It's so dumb. And he said that in a way, he is trying to get out and not be friends with anyone here to make him moving easier I suppose. He's so lame. That's not how life works. And now that Keith is here for Thanksgiving, he doesn't wanna see his other friends. Like Julie texted him the other day to hangout and he didn't even answer her. She wasn't too happy about that. She said Paul's turned into a jerk and Addison was telling me the other night how Paul is being so stupid and he has no reason to be mad. It's all true. I've done what I could to apologize to him. He said he really wants to be friends but that it just wont work cause we'll end up in this same situation again but that maybe again in the future we could be good friends again. I'm not gunna wait around for that. I've lost so many people in the past 3 years that it's just... I don't even know. It's so lame and I'm sick of it. I hope Paul enjoys his life in Alabama. He won't have anyone left when he comes home. O'well. Sad thing is... what I miss most about mine and Paul's friendship is his mom. lol, she was the nicest ever and she loved me! I'm so sad that I won't get to see her anymore. Maybe she'll text me sometime haha.
Blah, I'm tired.
LOVINS
M.A.N.D.Y..C.A.N.E.
blah
ecstatic
discontent
awake
contemplative
confused